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I am trying so hard to be the Mom I should be, it is literally the top priority in my life as my calling from God. My relationship with my children is only second to my relationship with God. It is very discouraging when I drop the ball and watch it roll down an endless hill, with little hope of recovery. I say things I shouldn't, I don't say things I should. More than anything I want to be a pathway to Christ for my children and when I mess up, like today, I know I am so far off the mark it isn't funny. Rather than lighting a path...I am building a roadblock.
My greatest earthly blessings are my children. I know that there is nothing that they will ever do that will stop my love for them. My greatest desire is for them to grow into Godly men and a Godly woman...much more than I ever have been. I want them to avoid the pains I have walked through because I wasn't walking with God or putting Him first but sometimes words aren't enough. I am grateful that God forgives, unfortunately, humans (even our children) aren't so quick to do so no matter how many times we ask. We are the closest things to God our children often see, they see our failures and humanness and assign it to what they think God is. That is why it hurts so badly when I fail one of them, because I know I may very well be pushing them further from their Heavenly Father.
So, I get up from my epic fall, wipe off my knees, and hopefully, I will get another day to try again.